Friday, July 9, 2010

BSOW-Catastrophic Luck

It's Friday! Woot Woot Woot!! This means I have another AWESOME blog to introduce you to this week. I really love Fridays. Especially when I get to feature someone who also has the scoop on poop. She has irrational fears and hilarious children. She's even got a unique spelling to a common name. Please welcome Brittainy of Litany of Brittainy to The Scoop on Poop today!!



I asked Brittainy: "If you were written about in the newspaper, front page, what would the headline be? Why?"

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Catasrophe Girl: The Luckiest Girl In Town


Something bad happened.

Common catch phrase. The response I get is typically: "What now?" Then,"That would only happen to you. Just your luck."

I was the kid who always got hurt in gym class. You know the one who trips over Justin S. while playing kickball, and manages to knock Corey T. down like a bowling pin during the smash and slide? Me.

Remember that one kid who was caught stealing third base, and sprinted back to recover second, but tripped over her own feet, sending her sailing like a cartoon, head-first into the cement gymnasium wall? Yeah, that was me too.

Do you recall The Great Balance Beam Incident, where Her Gracefulness teetered awkwardly on the balance beam before loosing her footing, slamming her hoo-haw into the beam, turning upside down, falling on her head, and losing consciousness? Not awesome.

Ask me how I know.

But the worst thing about being that kid, was broken glasses. Countless pairs of broken glasses in my middle school years. Sitting accidents, soccer balls in the face. When I was nine, and got hit by a car at my friend's birthday party, my first thought was did I break my glasses? Once, somebody's dog ate them. The dog's name was Dank.

Last year was The Lens Catastrophe Of 2009. That was the day I broke every vision related thing I owned. First I let the strap of my brand new SLR hang irresistibly over the kitchen table in the vicinity of my son. He pulled it to the floor, where it grimaced and shattered. My memory will bear the scars of that moment forever.

As luck would have it, later that day my eye suddenly started hurting, and the bottom lid swelled painfully. I was walking toward the bathroom to inspect it in the mirror when my glasses exploded and fell off my face. Unprovoked. I swear to you, they broke in half, right through the middle of the bridge, so later when I tried to tape them back together it would be impossible. Glue didn't work either. Internets, when I don't have my glasses its not just an inconvenience, its a handicap. I will not recognize you sitting 3 feet in front of me. So the huz went to CVS to pick up some mighty putty. You know, that stuff that will hold you to the outside of a moving train? That stuff fixed my glasses temporarily. That stuff smells like a wet dog who has been sprayed by a skunk and rolled in manure. But resting on your nose all day. Also, not awesome.

The next day my seeing eye friend came to drive me to Lens Crafters, and lo and behold. Something wrong with her windshield wipers. When it randomly started pouring. And she couldn't see a thing.

My luck.

But was it lucky, or unlucky?

When I was four or five years old I nearly drowned. I was at a pond, and while walking around in the water I wandered right into an underwater drop-off. I remember falling to the bottom and pushing off with my feet, gulping a big breath of air when my face broke the water, and gliding back down. Pushing off, gliding down. Rinse and repeat. After 5 or 6 underwater jumps to the surface, I stopped pushing off, and resigned to going under. On that final glide to the pond bottom I felt like a feather being carried off at the discretion of the wind. I opened my eyes and saw the disturbed sand billowing, the muted, rocky pond floor, and the minnows. That's the last thing I remember.

My aunts told me later that they weren't paying attention. That they were talking amongst themselves and suddenly realized there was chaos. People screaming and running into the water. Something about a drowning kid. There was a period of confusion before they realized it was me. Somebody pulled me out of the water and saved my life. I was going to drown and then I wasn't.

Was I lucky or unlucky?


When all is said and done, in retrospect, I'm unscathed. My kids are healthy, my husband comes home every night. I own a home, a dog. I have the typical American family, (consisting of totally atypical people, but nonetheless), and though money is tight, we are not starving to death. I have a handful of quality friends. Things suck sometimes, but I would still say I'm pretty lucky. Sometimes I would say I'm the luckiest girl in town.

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And I'm going on a mini vacation for the weekend, but I hope that you will stop by and check out the Litany of Brittainy, have a good laugh, share a good story or two. She'll be back tomorrow to guest post.
Happy Friday!!

10 comments:

The Drama Mama said...

No worries, Brittainy. I hear the same thing too "only you. It would ONLY happen to you." or better yet "why does everything happen to you?"

I think we should invest in 4 leaf clovers or golden horseshoes or something.

Thanks for coming over!

litanyofbritt said...

I would probably wind up allergic to 4 leaf clovers! HA! Thanks for having me over. Good times. See you tomorrow!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I am like her too! I am always getting injured - no fun at all.

My daughter wetn through a phase where she actually kept walking into walls and doors!!

Katie said...

I am SO glad you didn't drown.
And I am sorry about the rest of those accidents, but clearly they made you funny...no. Thats not the right word. You are hysterical!
I broke my glasses a lot too.
I hated that. As if I needed another reason that I was a total dork.
Ah well.
Good blog fodder huh?

Mrsblogalot said...

Oh I can so relate to this!!!!

Mungee's Ma said...

Man, that is some sh*t! er ... poop.

You've definitely gone through a lot, and you've got some stories to tell! Look forward to reading more at your blog.

Dog naming said...

Dank is an uncommon dog name, I didn't know it, I will add it to my lists:
Dog names lists

Rachel said...

I love this! Only because she could have taken some of these stories right off my blog :) I'm unlucky/lucky too!

Thanks for hosting this fun guest blogger!

Lourie said...

Holy cow. She's had quite a few adventures! But she sure has a great attitude.

Joann Mannix said...

I, too, need a seeing eye dog if I am without my glasses or contacts. I always tell my husband, those with sight don't understand the importance of working glasses.

And the drowning thing? Wow! I've never known anyone who could recount the experience of almost drowning. Eerie and amazing all at the same time.

Here's my spin. You are a lucky girl. I can see it in your writing, in your humor, in your heart.

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